Mark's Pages

January 22, 2003:

Told her boyfriend about me, finally.

Which opened the locked gates of confession, promptly. Admitted to a catalog of extra-relationship affairs he'd steadfastly denied until then, as though he suddenly felt he was in competition with her for who could cheat the most egregiously. She has the merit of our history and the years-long feeling between us. As if my defense counts.

Perhaps the threat of me will improve his behavior. I don't mind being used that way.

But she seemed low, herself. Called to tell me she cares about me, "if anything should happen."

"I feel the way the chessman must, when the opponent says of it, 'this piece cannot be moved.'" --Kierkegaard, Either/Or.