Mark's Pages

April 15, 2005:

You should have been happy for me. When I found my lost friend and renewed a dear friendship. Everything about that is to the good. You should have supported it and been glad.

That you fought it instead is more than mere disloyalty. I believe it's evil.

I believe this is what evil looks like in its petty, ordinary aspect. Evil as moral smallness. Evil as resentment where there should be joy. Evil as petty-minded spiritual warfare against the happiness of those around you.

It's only when evil marries power that it takes on the more spectacular forms. Underneath it's the same sick germ. That somehow you've come to harm if I've achieved some small good.

This isn't a new theme in your life. It's what you loved so much about that horrible man. "He's so evil!" In tones of profound approbation. Where "evil" meant, delighting in bringing harm into the lives of others. You were right about him. I don't know whether you recognized something kindred in him when you met, or whether you chose at that time to become like him. Either way, it's his ethics I see in you.