February 20, 2008:
So bored, so pointless.
The sense that you made such disastrous choices that your life cannot recover, not ever, that it's too late and it's been too late for years and what remains is struggle for scraps. Struggle against poverty in old age, struggle against failing health, struggle against loneliness, struggle most of all against the very sense of failure.
Nothing important. You could be married to the one who got away. Although, of course, you couldn't.