February 14, 2016:
When you're with a lover you connect with you live on little sleep. You stay awake talking in the dark, naked, wrapped in each other's arms; nap for a couple of hours near dawn. Feel vital and refreshed the next day.
There's not one thing in life that I would rather do or that means more to me. My hunger is for connection, far more than sex. This is what intimacy means to me.
Which is the deepest point of failure with my now-ex. She doesn't want connection, she wants autonomy. She refuses to share, she actively conceals, living a double life both physically and emotionally. She rejected sleep in the same bed, offering a bewildering sequence of conflicting explanations. It came down to rejection of intimacy.
We were unhappy and we failed. I slept a lot.