July 19, 2019:

She understood. Immediately, without hesitation. I was shocked by that.

I'd expected some kind of götterdämmerung of viciousness, where our fight to the death would leave me bleeding but ultimately unchanged. To my profound surprise she grokked the idea, approved, and simply asked that certain intimately private details be excised. Which was perfectly reasonable.

I was committed to that project for a long time. It was only much later I realized, not so much that it had failed, as that it was harmful to me emotionally. It tied me to a broken past with no hope of redemption, and to a destructive relationship which itself had been the real götterdämmerung.