January 10, 2007:

"I don't need you to manage my program."

Still, one wonders.

No addict is ever trustworthy. The monkey, the demon, whatever you choose to call it. It's sly and experienced and ever-whispering. Always: the seductive background noise of rationalization, of justification, of excuse.

Just this one time. This is a special occasion. I deserve a reward for myself.

So that one searches out the secret stash, and carefully counts the contents of the prescription bottles. Always with the hope that enough clean time will pass for the voice of the devil to diminish.