September 8, 2002:

So Life, my friend: is the irony really necessary under all circumstances? There's that sortof dialectic of tease: dance near, dance away. With a transparently simple lesson: nothing comes without struggle.

Because there was never any "contact" with her. There was only ever her lovely skin. You thought she understood you. She never understood you. She admired you at first and you became so inflated over that admiration that you spent those years in a relationship of co-dependence and mutual destruction. It's true that you tried very hard. But so what? She never acknowledged that effort.

It's ok, I'm ok, things are fine.