Mark's Pages

November 23, 2003:

Blackmail. When she rebels against college her mother threatens her with psychiatrists. When she visits me, the threat is of disinheritance. As if there were anything left to inherit. Only the TV set won on Let's Make a Deal.

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Her torment at home. One minute they won't let her leave, another they refuse to allow her to stay, another they'll pay for school but only so long as she stays away from me. So that she's been on the phone every hour for three days, asking for advice, asking if she can stay, crying, seeking support.

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Impossible. Here's the irony of the weekend. She's been writing to the wrong address, leaving messages which no-one delivered, thinking I take her for granted, while meanwhile I've been lovesick, isolated, worried and wondering what the silence portends, unable to call, worried worried worried of losing her or of losing my mind, as if there were some difference.