Mark's Pages

December 3, 2008:

Started with wine. My girlfriend's mother drank every day. It was easy to siphon some of her supply, replace it with water. I liked it. It felt warm, and made me cheerful.

Later it was reds. Seconal. Sleeping pills. Dangerous. I liked 'em, but, they were expensive, and the wine was free.

There wasn't much pot. I dunno why not. Maybe we didn't know the right people. Reds were everywhere.

A girl in our neighborhood sniffed model glue. Carried a brown sandwich bag with glue at the bottom. Held the bag to her nose. Horrible high, like an icepick between the eyes. I only ever did that once.

Whites were good. Amphetamine, bootleg, manufactured in a lab in the desert somewhere, probably. I liked them with wine.

LSD, as often as possible.

Quaaludes, later. The effect of beer and speed combined, followed by a vicious three-day chemical hangover. I stopped and went back to beer and speed. To my surprise, stopping involved a mild withdrawal which lasted two or three days. Hadn't realized I'd been doing that many.

Whiskey. Expensive, but quick. I liked it with sugar candy. Seemed to enhance the impact.

Coke. Boring. Expensive. Lousy bang for the buck.

Heroin. Self-medication after a shattering breakdown. Sleep. Morpheus.

Withdrawal was like stomach flu. Unpleasant, but, not the end of the world.

That addiction changed my brain chemistry. I never felt "right" again, ever after. To this day I still think of heroin when I'm very stressed, or very unhappy.

Now my drug of choice is sleep. The best feeling there is.

I wish none of this had ever happened.