Mark's Pages

October 29, 2010:

Shaking, frothing, heart pounding; senses on hyper alert, tense, searching the darkness like a nighttime sentry at the cave mouth.

Pace, it doesn't help. Walk around the block, run around the track, doesn't help.

Sex helps a little but when you want more later she swats you away.

Release comes at dawn, as daylight washes over you like cooling water, and all that tension and tautness drains into sweet sleep.

The only other release is opiates. Nighttime morphine once in the emergency room. Heroin from musicians.

This was life until metabolic change, around age forty-five.