November 21, 2014:
In some ways I'm the world's greatest boyfriend. I'm affectionate, demonstrative, supportive, and I mean well. I try hard to pay attention. I want my partner to be happy and I try to make sure she knows that. I really am never deliberately cutting, or cruel, or mean. I can make mistakes, sometimes seriously bad ones, but, when that happens, I'm sorry, and I say so. I wouldn't become involved with someone unless I liked her very much; and I'm friends to this day with nearly all of my exes.
In other ways I'm the worst possible boyfriend. I have weak defenses. Not in the world outside the relationship, where I can be a badass if required although of course would really rather not. But the thing is, I guess when I commit I go all in, or something, so that when there's a disappointment or misunderstanding or my feelings are hurt, I take it too deeply. More than anything, I become half crippled with confusion: My feelings are hurt, should they be? Maybe I'm being unreasonable. Maybe I should just let that slide. Maybe I'm being too sensitive. So that I was well into adulthood before I learned the simple skill of saying, "Hey my feelings are hurt." And I'm still not super great at it.
Probably the thing that most separates me from the majority of the profiles I've browsed here is that I really do not care at all for what I'll call "mainstream ambitions". I have no interest in mutual funds or business models or white picket fences or vacations in Cabo or Vegas or season tickets to the Giants. I do care about culture and art. I'm an artist working in computer-mediated and other forms of nontraditional narrative. My work is very highly regarded by the five or six people in the world who care about experimental literature. I simultaneously pursue a life-long commitment to writing and recording songs - my house is as much a recording studio as a living space - I own more guitars than silverware. I keep the roof on by fixing broken technology companies, a career which provides a large roof but does not define my life. Prior to this for two decades I was a peripatetic activist in the antiwar and social justice movements, with no roof overhead.
I'm tall, 6'4", lanky, in ok shape, "cute" - I hate that word but it's what I get. Not a gym rat, more of a distance runner body type. Salt and pepper hair, frequent smile. Super gregarious, extremely loyal. Enthusiasm junkie. Very passionate in the things I commit to. I love restaurants, movies, hiking, shopping (really), road trips, cooking at home, weekends out of town, music, reading, travel. I tend to gravitate toward younger people.
Please do reach out if you're intelligent, nice, supportive, believe in reciprocation, like to read, lean left politically; and in all honesty it would be helpful if you have better relationship skills than mine. Maybe you can teach me. Right now I really am primarily hoping to find a good friend who communicates easily and is fun to do things with, or just talk. If there turns out to be a romantic connection, that would be fantastic! But that's not my main focus, and I would not at all consider a friendship a failure if romance is not included.