July 18, 2018:
She called me "little cute boy".
I was so out of it with depression and drugs that we could barely communicate, although I suspect that even sober we would barely communicate. I was lonely and she liked me. I didn't want sex but she did so we made a go of it. I knew nothing of condoms so bought wrong ones which were uncomfortable. I imagine there were nice moments but today there's mostly blur.
Here we are at Huntington Falls in Golden Gate Park. We take several pics of each other on the wooden footbridge. My ponytail is under control, I'm in a thrift store blazer over tight blue Levi's, I've abandoned contacts for glasses, the ubiquitous false smile is fixed. She's in blue overalls with shades and a smile which I expect is legit. She seems thrilled to be there.
I don't remember this day. I barely remember her. That's not very nice but there's severe untreated depression and there's drugs, so that I'm surprised at this point I can still remember my name.