March 13, 2019:

There was nearly a threesome, but, we all chickened out.

It was because of the mother of the neighbor girl whose body I was exploring at the time. She shrewdly appointed a sentinel: the little brother, whose dogged chaperoneship was inescapable, like an isopod or any other parasitic appendage. His sister and I could never be alone together, so that our gropings were furtive and unsatisfactory.

The solution was to meet at our friend's apartment, a girl I'll call Jules. That was allowed. "I'm spending the day at Jules'," my neighbor girl would announce. Jules' mother worked during the day — all our mothers worked during the day — so their apartment was adult-free. Jules had to be convinced, but, she was our friend and some cheap weed acted as lubricant.

Except, "God you guys," she said, reasonably. "Do I have to watch this?"

So we'd duck into her room, my neighbor girl and me, with our shirts off and our pants down and our hands going wherever they liked, while Jules watched loud cartoons lonely in the living room.

One day she said through the wall, "I'm bored," and there was no way we could argue with that, 'cos, we'd have been bored too. So we looked at each other, shrugged, and I replied though the wall, "Well, then, join us."

There was a pause for hesitation, the door opened, she stepped shyly into the room, stopped, looked at us. My neighbor girl had her shirt and bra off, her arms crossed covering her breasts. I was shirtless too, lanky ribs and all. Hesitantly, shyly, Jules sat on the bed, embarrassed. None of us knew what to do.

I mean, we knew how to make-out. But, we didn't know where our boundaries lived. This was an unexpected situation which I don't think any of us had even fantasized about. I certainly hadn't.

I put my arms around my neighbor girl, we smooched, I gently played with one nipple, her hand went inside my pants. Jules was extremely aroused, her cheeks were flushed, her breathing was rapid. But she was paralyzed with fear and embarrassment.

So I kissed her. That was nice, so I put my hand lightly on her breast. That made her nervous, so, I stopped. She wasn't ready. She said, "Um..." My neighbor girl and I looked at each other and understood. None of us was comfortable.

We had to stop borrowing Jules' bedroom. We were making her unhappy, she was our friend, we respected her. It was moot anyway. Neighbor girl moved away, as rootless families did in that essentially transient apartment complex. I morphed out of the neighborhood, spending more and more time at the university where eventually an entirely different group thing happened which popped my cherry and left me massively not focused on the home crib or the people in it.

I frequently wonder what would have happened had Jules and I gotten together. She clearly liked me. Perhaps if I'd been more experienced I'd have known what to do. I remember her as very pretty, very sexy, very sarcastic, entirely well-meaning. Maybe she'd have been good for me.