June 12, 2019:
"I'll do that thing you wanted."
We're on the beach at night, the fire sparks, friends are laughing, it's summer and it's San Diego and many things are right with the world.
Our relationship isn't one. I've left her for someone more mature, now she wants me back. She's offering to take me somewhere out of sight and give me head, a next step she's declined till now.
But it's too late, and it's not about next steps. There's a spiritual void. Our time together has been entirely about getting high and groping, without true connection, without real depth of communication. I've left her for someone who talks to me, and who, as luck would have it, possesses properly adult skills.
"It's your last chance," she says. "You'll never experience this beautiful body ever again..."
I'm ok with that. I find the entire situation off-putting. If this is the closest we come to conversation I'll double-down on opting out.