November 11, 2019:
She was kind to me in Crete. Apart from that one moment there's not a single positive thing she brought to my life. Narcissism, destruction, put downs.
You naturally think it's you, that you must be repulsive, which you knew already after your lifetime of other people's panic. Then she writes a note breaking up 'cos you're "not a physical beauty". And you fall into a hopelessness that doesn't truly lift for a decade.
Where it's not about needing to feel beautiful. It's the need for hope, that there will be someone for you, to share the experience with and save you from your loneliness.