March 28, 2020:
When she was told we were moving in together my girlfriend's mother's very first reaction was, "You're gonna have to buy a mattress pad." It was the precise intersection of dirty-minded obsession with bodily fluids and housewifely concern for the longevity of domestic property.
The thing is, she really wasn't a bad sort. She was simply narrow, and a bit shallow, and very much not ready for her little bird to leave the nest.
Later we made peace, but that was a long time coming, and, while I truly did like her, my later politeness was largely assumed.