September 14, 2020:

Anarchism is inevitable.

Because of the co-ops and collectives it's the dominant ideology of rebellion at UCSD. It's contested by Marcuse's grad students with the elitist Frankfurt School left-Hegelianism they falsely label "Marxism". But, for a neophyte like me, Marxism is interdicted. It's identified too absolutely with Stalinist horrors; and it acts like a secular religion. Aside from Marcuse there are the usual left sectarian splinter droplets also evoking Marx. None resonates, while Anarchism does. Anarchism speaks to my rejection of all authority during the phase of my awakening, where school, family and community are the most immediate targets. Authority sucks: no more authorities. Meanwhile because of the Ché and Groundwork and the other movement institutions Anarchism is ubiquitous among the rebellious.

This is all very American and pragmatic. As a current, Anarchism is inchoate and amorphous, theoretically unsophisticated, easy to grasp; and it dovetails with or builds upon the American strain of anti-statist libertarianism which is always percolating just below the surface of American political discourse. In this country in that milieu on that campus at that time it's fore-ordained that's what I'll find.

I'm now against all government. Well — of course. "Government" in my experience is the San Diego City Schools, with their shallow authoritarianism and crass ineptitude. Who'd be for that? And "government" is the Federal one which lied to us about Vietnam. "Government" is betrayal of the promise of what makes America unique. I'm an Anarchist and a Patriot at the same time, and this also makes sense. In America these are the ideologies available to gravitate to. You see that today with right-wing Populism. My populism is more left than right, but there's much in common.

And I am militant. A pretty girl at the Ché thanks me for ladling rice into her bowl, I reply with "Don't mourn, organize!" That's a non-sequitur but it's where my mind lives. There, and inside Kafka's diaries, and The Masks of God.