October 16, 2020:
She was so, so bitter to hear how much I liked her friend.
That surprised me. I'd imagined she'd shared her friend because she hoped I'd be accepted into her circle.
It still surprises me. Why introduce us if you don't hope we'll hit it off?
Possibly her resentment was over the depth of my enthusiasm. With her I was polite but reserved, which must have made me seem distant. Realistically, I really was distant. We were not what we'd hoped for, our expectations were crossed, it would have been better for us both if I'd stayed home. So that gushing over how great her friend was must have seemed something like betrayal.
I'm not sure what I learned from the experience, or if I learned anything at all. I suppose, don't try to make new friends when depressed.
But that can't be. How is there ever a way forward, when loneliness is the major trigger?