February 8, 2021:

She seemed palpably angry with me for my poor spelling. As though my learning disorder was to her somehow a personal affront. Or more likely, simply irritating.

I had a different complaint. She'd followed me, without asking, without discussion, over my strenuous objection, to the sanctuary I'd found, the land of rebirth and regeneration, the new life I'd made for myself in some part to escape from her. It was a sociopathic and self-absorbed action on her part which I experienced as literal invasion.

She was the prototype for my later disasters. Narcissistic to the point of disorder, radically dismissive of the rights of others, charming, manipulative, controlling in what was then a passive-aggressive mode which later became overt or even explicit. A cult-leader wannabe.

I drew the inevitable lesson. It's a mistake to share your important discoveries with undeserving people. And, since I'm seemingly incapable of sussing the deserving from the rest, it's a mistake to share them at all.

And so I became even more withdrawn, more inward, more untrusting, more isolated. A life I should have been enabled to escape, granted the land of rebirth and regeneration.