January 5, 2022:

Withdrawal of Adderall occasioned by overcautious shrink, who skimmed my chart from the ER and decided my heartrate was too high to continue with stimulants. She also said something about being too fucking old for indication.

Apparently there are various flavors of ADHD. Mine is the one where multiple copies of my own voice play simultaneously in imagination. Overlapping, but unrelated to one another. I don't know how many. Dozens.

Where this can interfere seriously with concentration, it can also make music interesting, so that some of my most sophisticated songs are occasioned by juxtaposing or layering or overlapping the multiple melodies playing simultaneously in my head radio, like listening to two or three or five stations at the same time and finding, probably at random, they fit together nicely. Countermelodies, polyrhythms: I dunno. That's just what there is.

Still it's unfortunate that productivity suffers. As it always has. I only had Adderall for two years, deep into post middle age.