September 5, 2022:
Envy, and resentment.
I watched these "dominant interpersonal attributes" leak out of her, perfectly encapsulated in a single scowl, one day on a doomed vacation together. Our tour group included a beautiful twenty-something German girl, blonde and tanned and supremely sexy in an effortless, unselfconscious way. The scowl meant, I'm no longer young like her. Men no longer look at me the way they do her. Because of this encounter I feel both angry at her and defeated by life, simultaneously.
Of her petty process server she'd say, "He's so evil", admiringly. But he's not evil. He's egocentric, obnoxious, and small, in an utterly low-stakes way. Where her admiration drew from the permission he gave her to behave overtly in ways she'd until then kept secretly to herself.