May 2, 2023:
At dinner with her I'd pick, nibble, and leave as soon as possible. I found it tremendously stressful watching her watch me.
After she was in bed I'd go quietly to the kitchen, fix myself Cheerios or Ovaltine or toast or a bowl of ice cream. In the morning after she left for work I'd cook bacon and eggs for myself, a skill I still excel at to this day.
Learning to love food was a slow, uphill climb. I first had to discover there was such a thing as delicious food apart from bacon and eggs. That required absence from her household, not achieved until college. There I was exposed for the first time to Chinese cuisine, Mexican food, pizza: delicious, well-prepared meals. And learned, little by little, to associate meals with contentment rather than stress.
So that in time — a long time — there developed a new, far more satisfying muscle memory.