August 8, 2023:
Waking resistance — frustrating.
Vivid, inventive, creative experiences lost and gone, forever repressed, for selfish purposes of the poor fragile ego.
You make your own movies, personal ones, meaningful to you and no-one else, project them in technicolor against your movie screen eyelids and no-one else's. They're yours and no-one else's. Then: lost, all gone and forgotten, immediately those eyelids unclose.
It feels like experiences are stolen. Perhaps the most important, certainly the most vivid experiences you'll ever know. Forever removed, blown away like puffs of smoke, insubstantial.
Fuck you, ego. You have no right. I'm training the rest of my seemingly fragile psyche. Together we'll learn to keep what's rightfully ours.